Mother's Day is coming up

….it’s a day to (rightfully so) let our mother’s know what a wonderful influence they’ve been in our lives, it’s also a day that for the approximately 6 million birthmothers in the US alone, represents what might have been or what should have been or just reemphasizes a loss like no one who has not been through it can understand. It a day to remember just how “brushed aside” you really are.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughters and Mother’s Day has definitely gotten easier since Ari was born, but that loss that my heart has felt ever since the day I walked out of that hospital without my son will never fully go away. For eight years (well nine really since I was seven and a half months pregnant with my son when Mother’s Day came around that year and certainly no one was congratulating me or wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day that year, even though I had not even decided to place my son at that point) that day was a very painful reminder that I was not a mother, and in the years since Ari was born it’s still a reminder that my heart knows there is something missing that can never be replaced.

I read this poem on a fellow birthmother’s blog today and it fit so well that I thought I’d share:

Heart Of Mine

I listened to you, Heart of Mine

For nine months of the year

I called you Little Sweetheart

Darling, Dumpling, Angel Dear

I loved you more than life itself

I prayed for you each day

And when you came all pink and warm

I gave my heart away

I couldn't bear to lose you

But I couldn't keep you fed

I couldn't be the mom you'd need

So I picked one out instead

I trusted her to do for you

What I couldn't do alone

So I kissed your cheek and bid you well

And gave my heart a home

I know that someday you will see

The love that held me tight

To know you had all I could give

And know that I did right

And so I listen still, my heart

Not nine months but all year

And know you know I love you so

You're still my Angel Dear

The following article was emailed to me this morning which is what got me thinking about all of this in the first place. I didn’t even know until last year that there is a “Birthmother’s Day” the day before Mother’s Day, but to me it just feels a little wrong, just one more way to say that we aren’t really mother’s even though our hearts tell us we are. I hope that if you know anyone who is a birthmother, that you will recognize her this Mother’s Day, Birthmother’s Day if you’d like, but I’d suggest actually doing it on Mother’s Day to let her know that she’s not forgotten.

Mother's Day tinged with sadness for birthmoms

PSA - Cell Phone Tapping

My mom sent me an email today with a link to a Youtube video about cell phone tapping. It's obviously illegal, but apparently very easy to do. I had no idea...everyone with a cell phone should watch this...it's scary!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCyKcoDaofg

(Embedding has been disabled so you'll have to click on the link)

Medication - Part 2

I mentioned a while back that after much deliberation we were starting Ari on medication for ADHD, but I haven’t ever talked about how she’s doing or whether we feel it was the right decision.

Since before the medication I have had weekly contact through email with her teacher in order for us to be a unified front on encouraging Ari and helping her utilize her potential in school.

I’ve known almost from the beginning that the medication was helping, but I got this email from her teacher yesterday and thought I’d share.

Hello,

I am sorry I didn't respond sooner! I realized that I had not gotten back to you, and I definitely want you to know what a fabulous job Ari is doing!

She is so engaged and interested in history (the 6th graders were sharing their ancient China projects and she was so attentive with great questions). She is also confident and working well with me in math. She is so bright and it is so nice to see her using it! She still needs reminders to focus on what she needs to do when working in groups, but she is really managing that well. I am really enjoying her!

Thanks,
Carol

It’s so nice to know that you are making the right decisions as far as parenting is concerned, because let’s face it, half the time it really is a crap shoot and this is the confirmation that makes is all worth it. I’m really proud of Ari and her achievement in this area, the medication doesn’t fix everything, but it gives her that little extra push as far as focusing and attention are concerned during school hours. Anyway, I just had to brag on her for a minute…

What dreams are made of!

I think you probably have to be living under a rock to not have either seen or heard about this woman but just in case I’m posting it here.


Susan Boyle appeared on “Britain’s Got Talent” recently and when she walked on the stage you could see the incredulity on the judges faces (one of whom is Simon Cowell, who also unless you’ve been living under a rock you know as the pretty nasty judge on American Idol) along with smirks and laughter from the audience, all seeming to be judging this woman by her age and appearance that she most certainly could not posses much talent at all. As I’ve said before it infuriates me that we as a society judge people based on their looks or what we perceive of that…which is what makes this even that much more poignant.

When she walked on stage and Simon asks her how old she is and she replies with 47 he actually rolls his eye and basically implies that if she actually had talent that she would have done something with it at this point in her life, and then she begins to sing. I actually got chills as I saw the look of doubt on the judges’ faces turn to disbelief to pure awe that this amazing voice belonged to this woman who didn’t look the part. I felt so much pride and joy for her as the audience who snickered as she stepped on stage rose to their feet to give her a standing ovation because she was actually that good!

And, could you have picked a more perfect song? Anyone who knows me knows that Les Mis is my favorite Broadway show (more recently followed closely by Wicked) and “I Dreamed a Dream” is one of my favorite songs… how amazing that the last words she sang were:

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

She is not letting life kill her dreams and how truly beautiful that she was able to prove so many people wrong when they judged her on her appearance alone and she was able to show every single one of them wrong they really were just by doing what she knew inside she could do.

I hope that we all can be more like Susan Boyle and not let others disbelief keep us from doing what we know we can do. What an inspiration she is…she truly deserves all the praise she is getting.

There have been so many requests that embedding has been turned off on this video, but click on this link and it will take you to the YouTube page and you can view it there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

I literally get chills every time I watch her…truly remarkable!

I did it!

I made it to my 21 days…and considering that I had to get up at 4:30 the past two mornings in order to work it in makes it that much more fulfilling :)

This morning was my 21st day in a row to get up and exercise, which may not seem like a big deal, but it’s been a while since I exercised that many days in a row before :(

Now my only fear is that since I’ve made it to my goal I’ll let myself slack off every once in a while…so, if any of you want to hold my feet to the fire that would be great…if you want reciprocal encouragement I’d love that too…we could always do the Facebook thing like my friend Sam and I!

Daily Candy --- April Fool's Day?

I get these emails daily from Daily Candy…they have a National edition and then one for a variety of large urban areas, like San Francisco. These emails are supposed to keep you informed of all the up and coming trends in food, fashion, things to do, etc. I get the San Francisco edition because I live fairly close and it’s just kind of fun to see the new things that are going on.

Well, today I opened my Daily Candy email and was a little surprised at what it said was the newest, latest and greatest for the iPhone…please be aware that this might be considered TV MA rated so don’t read any farther if you get easily offended:


April 1, 2009

I’ll Have What She’s Having


Jimmyjane’s miVibe Application for iPhone


For you, being technologically sophisticated means knowing how to double-click your mouse. (Sadly, not every user has magic fingers.)


Upgrade your hardware (and lend yourself a hand) with miVibe.


Jimmyjane — the self-pleasure masters known for premium gadgets — just launched its first iPhone application. Download the tickle-your-fancy program and your cellie becomes an instant vibrator (gasp!) with adjustable settings.


You’ll never have to fake it again: With three speeds (soft and subtle, gradual buildup, and fast and furious) and ten preset modes, the nifty (and naughty) app will give your lover a run for his money.


And leave it to the kings of kink to design a 24-karat gold phone sleeve that’s ribbed for extra oomph.


Now you’ve got the Midas touch.


Available online at jimmyjane.com.



Who would want to do that with their PHONE? This has to be an April Fool’s Day joke…right?

Edited: as the anonymous commenter pointed out this is definitely an April Fool’s Day joke…just click on the link…I just wasn’t clinking on any of it from work! :)