Mother's Day is coming up

….it’s a day to (rightfully so) let our mother’s know what a wonderful influence they’ve been in our lives, it’s also a day that for the approximately 6 million birthmothers in the US alone, represents what might have been or what should have been or just reemphasizes a loss like no one who has not been through it can understand. It a day to remember just how “brushed aside” you really are.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughters and Mother’s Day has definitely gotten easier since Ari was born, but that loss that my heart has felt ever since the day I walked out of that hospital without my son will never fully go away. For eight years (well nine really since I was seven and a half months pregnant with my son when Mother’s Day came around that year and certainly no one was congratulating me or wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day that year, even though I had not even decided to place my son at that point) that day was a very painful reminder that I was not a mother, and in the years since Ari was born it’s still a reminder that my heart knows there is something missing that can never be replaced.

I read this poem on a fellow birthmother’s blog today and it fit so well that I thought I’d share:

Heart Of Mine

I listened to you, Heart of Mine

For nine months of the year

I called you Little Sweetheart

Darling, Dumpling, Angel Dear

I loved you more than life itself

I prayed for you each day

And when you came all pink and warm

I gave my heart away

I couldn't bear to lose you

But I couldn't keep you fed

I couldn't be the mom you'd need

So I picked one out instead

I trusted her to do for you

What I couldn't do alone

So I kissed your cheek and bid you well

And gave my heart a home

I know that someday you will see

The love that held me tight

To know you had all I could give

And know that I did right

And so I listen still, my heart

Not nine months but all year

And know you know I love you so

You're still my Angel Dear

The following article was emailed to me this morning which is what got me thinking about all of this in the first place. I didn’t even know until last year that there is a “Birthmother’s Day” the day before Mother’s Day, but to me it just feels a little wrong, just one more way to say that we aren’t really mother’s even though our hearts tell us we are. I hope that if you know anyone who is a birthmother, that you will recognize her this Mother’s Day, Birthmother’s Day if you’d like, but I’d suggest actually doing it on Mother’s Day to let her know that she’s not forgotten.

Mother's Day tinged with sadness for birthmoms